Can you name the nine major human emotions*? Comparative psychology tells us these emotions are almost universal across the human race, but most people can name maybe four or five of them—perhaps six on a good day.
We experience all these emotions throughout the course of our lives, so why do we struggle to name them so easily? And how does this lack of knowledge about emotions affect our lives?
Growing up in Aotearoa New Zealand we're never explicitly taught about our emotional states, what to do when we experience unwanted feelings, or how to increase the amount of positive emotions in our lives. It's assumed that we'll somehow pick these up as we go along, but that's not always the case—and there can be serious consequences for those who don't learn how to successfully manage their emotions.
In an ideal world we would learn how to recognise and manage our feelings from those around us. As young children the early attachment relationship with our primary caregiver should provide an arena for us to express our feelings and have these responded to appropriately, thus giving us the basics of our emotional education. But if most adults struggle to identify all their own emotions, how can we hope to teach our children?
Instead, what we often learn as we grow up is that there are some rules around emotions: "You shouldn't feel angry about that" or "Just get over it" or perhaps "You're not sad, you're just a bit hungry".
As adults, breaking these self-made rules it often leads to what psychologists call secondary emotions—or a feeling about a feeling: "I shouldn't feel angry about that, but I am, and now I feel guilty about the fact I'm feeling angry!"
So, why is identifying our feelings important? The answer is that being unable to recognise and/or tolerate our emotions can lead to significant mental distress and is associated with, amongst other things, higher levels of deliberate self-harm. Psychological science tells us that the act of simply correctly labelling what we're feeling can reduce the intensity of that emotion. Recognising our emotional state also allows us to know how to respond to it.
Consider the reasons a 3-year-old might be upset and crying: hungry, sad, frustrated, over-tired. Each of these requires a different response.
Giving a toddler something to eat when they're angry is likely to lead to the food being thrown on the floor. Cuddling and consoling a hungry youngster won't make them feel full. Understanding our emotions and recognising that there aren't really any objective "rules" about how you should feel in any given situation can help prevent unhelpful secondary emotions which often prompt impulsive harmful behaviour.
At school we're meant to learn the basics: reading, writing, maths, even physical education and health. But this education stops short of teaching us about our mental and emotional health.
In this era of wellbeing budgets and the acknowledged importance of mental health to our young people and society in general, now is the time to begin teaching our children about their emotions and how to manage them. To date successive governments have failed to take up this challenge.
One organisation that has seen this gap and decided to do something about it is the John Kirwan Foundation. JK is rightly recognised as one of New Zealand's great ambassadors of change in mental health. He has spear-headed the formation of a group of experts from a range of areas including mental health, education, and the arts to develop a plan to introduce mental health literacy to our schools.
While this group is still very much in the development phase, it highlights the kind of cross-sector thinking and collaboration that is needed if we are to address the mental and emotional health needs of our country.
It's simply not good enough for us to leave the foundations of good mental health up to chance or to those privileged few who are lucky enough to grow up in a safe and secure home with parents who have high emotional intelligence.
There's no health without mental health and teaching our children the basics of identifying and managing their emotions will help us put a fence at the top of the mental health cliff rather than continually having to provide an ambulance at the bottom.
* In case you're wondering, the main groups of emotions are: Happiness, Sadness, Anger, Surprise, Disgust, Anxiety/Fear, Shame, and Guilt. Some psychologists also include Love.
Read the original piece on Stuff.