Having your son or daughter start university can be an exciting and sometimes stressful time for parents with lots of changes and unknowns.  They may be moving out of the family home for the first time and wanting to be as independent as they can, or struggling with the very different lifestyle at Uni.
Starting university can coincide with the late adolescent stage of development in which all young people have to:

• take more responsibility for themselves

• work out who they are and where they fit in the world

• decide on a career and study direction

• develop more mature intimate relationships

• start to separate from parents when seeking support and approval

Your son or daughter will be exposed to new ideas and concepts, new people and beliefs which will all contribute to their ongoing personal development. The extent to which a student tries out new ways is very individual, but it is normal to experiment.

Maintaining good relationships

Keeping the lines of communication open can be more challenging if your son or daughter is living away from home.  You will need to use your best communication skills - like listening, asking open questions, checking out, respecting their point of view and giving positive feedback.  All this, even if your son or daughter doesn't reply with similar levels of skill and fairness.

Don't be too upset if they don't want to spend much time with the family. Many students see dependence as negative and strive for independence, so take full advantage of any time they do want to spend with you. The most important thing is to be there for them and that they still feel connected and valued in the family.

Letting go

Whether you went to university or not, it can be difficult to imagine what it’s like now.  So much is unknown to you about their daily environment, what they spend their time doing, who they are meeting. You don't know the staff, you don't know if anyone is monitoring their progress and watching out for them, all of which can make you uneasy.

Sometimes it can seem to parents that there is a lot of spare time that is spent not doing much. "Shouldn't you be studying or in the library or something?" Parents get very anxious about what seems like little action: sleeping in, missing classes, just hanging around the university, late nights, exposure to alcohol and other drugs.

It's hard sometimes to step back and let the students take full responsibility for their learning and their adjustment to this next stage in their life. However, now is the time to have confidence in the good work you have done as parents and give them the opportunity to learn and learn from their mistakes.

What to do if you are concerned about a Victoria University student

If you notice things aren't going right or you start to worry, talking to your son or daughter about what you see and what you are concerned about, and asking their opinion on what you've noticed, is important.  Because this is a very big transition time for all of you, it's often hard to work out what's normal and what's not. If moods or behaviours seem more serious, extreme or get beyond your comfort or tolerance levels, it's best to seek advice.

Staff at the Counselling Service are happy to talk with you about your concerns for a Victoria University student. It is much easier if the student is aware that you are concerned and have made contact with us but we do appreciate that this can sometimes be a difficult situation.  Our service encourages students to involve families and significant others in their care, but it is the individual student’s choice as to how helpful they think this would be. 

At the Counselling Service, we abide by the Privacy Act and are unable to divulge any information about attendance or the contents of discussions we may have had with any student, unless we have their agreement. 

The only exception to breaking confidentiality is if there are significant concerns for a student's safety or the safety of someone else.