From warzone to Wellington

A Victoria University student who survived not one but two brutal wars in West Africa says focusing on her education helped her process the trauma and make positive changes in her life.

Admire Barnes

Admire Barnes, who had previously survived the Liberian war as a young girl, was 14 years old when she was taken captive by Sierra Leone’s rebel soldiers. It was three harrowing years before she saw her family again.

The notoriously violent civil war in Sierra Leone was responsible for the deaths of 50,000 people and the maiming of countless others. Now, more than a decade after it ended, Admire—who is studying management at Victoria University of Wellington—has written a book called Survived the Journey about her harrowing experience in the hands of rebel forces.

“In a crisis like that I just felt numb—I couldn’t think about anything but my family. I was taken into rebel territory and the rule was, if they don’t rape or kill you on the journey you are safe."

Admire's main captor was a commanding officer for the rebel forces, which ironically meant she experienced a certain level of protection. "But if I ran away I would not be safe—if other rebels didn’t know who I ‘belonged’ to I would have been gang raped. That’s what stopped me trying to break free.”

She says that looking back now, she realised she developed Stockholm Syndrome over those years with the rebels. “I felt a sense of loyalty, but I was not aware of it. I guess it was a way of surviving.”

Admire only got to see her family again in 1997, towards the end of the war. “It was amazing to see them after so long—but they were normal people so they seemed weird to me. They found me strange too—some of my own family were scared of me.”

She eventually came to New Zealand as part of the United Nations’ refugee programme in 2000, but was initially reluctant to make the move here. “When I stepped off the plane here I started crying—not from happiness but because I wanted to go back to Africa.”

Admire also realised she was suffering post-traumatic stress disorder. “I was angry—I didn’t take it out on people but the slightest thing could set me off with negative thoughts. I remember hearing a car backfire—that set off bad memories for me. And seeing old footage of the World Trade Centre burning would bring my war experience back and gave me nightmares for months.

“I was actually quite miserable here for years until I gave myself a talking to. There were girls in Sierra Leone who were raped and who are still there, seeing their attackers every day. I had to ask myself why I was so lucky to have been brought here and given amazing opportunities.”

These days Admire, who’s now aged 33, works five early morning shifts a week at Farmers in downtown Wellington as well as studying at Victoria. She has completed a Bachelor of Commerce majoring in commercial law and international business, and is currently completing a Graduate Diploma in Management.

“Studying was initially a huge struggle for me,” she says. “I’d only done one semester of high school in my life. But my family taught me there is nothing more important than education.

“My lecturer Cheryl Rivers [from Victoria’s School of Marketing and International Business] was teaching me negotiation—she sent me an email saying ‘for the life of me I don’t know what I am going to be able to teach you about this, after what you’ve been through!’ But I guess the world of international business is a bit different from rebel soldiers with guns.”

Admire believes focusing on her education and writing about her experiences in the war has helped her process the trauma. “When I wrote the final word of the book I took a deep breath and realised that something in me had changed. It really did help me to write about it—I don’t have nightmares as often any more.”

Find out more about Admire’s experiences at: www.survivedthejourney.com